How many barriers are there (really)?
Let's look at Tanya. (She's not a real client but this scenario is typical of many women I coach.)
Tanya wanted to make a significant career change. She didn't want the long commute any more. She also wanted a higher salary. We discussed where and how she could find that job. Obviously, working more locally was going to mean she'd need to approach local companies. I asked her how she could do this. 'I don't think there are any.' How did she know that? She replied that when she'd looked around a year ago, she'd drawn a blank. But that was a year ago, I offered. Maybe things would be different now?
She looked unconvinced. How could you find out, I asked her. 'Well, I could look, ' she said.
But she then countered that with 'I don't think they would pay what I want.' How did she know that? She explained that a local company would not pay the same as a company in a large city. Yes, but how did she know that for certain? She didn't. How would she know? Only by applying for a job and being offered it.
Tanya then admitted she was worried about her age. 'I'm too old for lots of these companies now; they all want people in their 20s, not someone like me of 45.' How did she know? Where was the evidence? There wasn't any; it was supposition.
In the space of our session, Tanya had constructed three barriers:
1 There weren't any companies in the area that were suitable.
2 The salaries they paid would not be high enough.
3 They wouldn't employ someone her age.
Remember there was no evidence of any of these; only in Tanya's imagination.
In reality, there were some companies she could approach. There was flexibility on salary. Her age was seen as an asset because it showed she had experience.
How are you closing doors?
How many doors are you closing before you have tried? What are you doing or not doing because you feel it's a waste of time? How many preconceptions do you have about something for which there is no proof? Write down what is stopping you moving forward. Then be honest about how much of that is negative thinking, and how much is irrefutable fact.
See the difference?
I'm Glynis, a coach for clients somewhere in midlife, helping them get the life they want. I work with them on careers, time-management, relationships and lots more. These are my musings on what life throws at people like us. You can read more about me here. Do get in touch if I can help you.