You know how it goes- you set yourself a target and reach it, maybe not 100 percent but pretty close. Most people would be amazed at what you achieved. But not you. Oh no. You were striving for perfection. You didn't stop and give yourself credit for your achievement, all you thought about was what you didn't achieve.
So in your eyes you were a failure.
This is a common scenario with some of my clients. To everyone else, they are doing just fine. They are running a business, working in a senior role, have great CVs, are brilliant parents, or friends, or partners...but in their own eyes they are not enough.
They only see the negatives. So I challenge them: 'Would you judge a friend or colleague in the same way you judge yourself?' I ask. Of course not.
Do you want perfection in others?
We accept others' limitations and don't expect perfection. Come on- we're human!
But with ourselves there is the tendency to expect perfection. And beat ourselves up if we fall short.
I see it all the time: a client wants to lose weight and when they lose a pound in a week they are miserable. Their goal was two pounds. They don't give themselves credit for what they have achieved.
The same applies to some clients applying for jobs; they have great work experience and qualifications yet they focus on what they don't have. On what the imaginary interviewer will want from them. They convince themselves they are too old, too young, too inexperienced, over - qualified, under-qualified... the list is endless. There is no evidence for any of these, but they decide it's not even worth applying for a job. So they remain stuck.
Similarly, it's easy to let the past dictate your future. 'I always failed at interviews..' (therefore I always will.) 'I'm no good at relationships; they all failed'...(therefore they always will), 'My last business failed so this one will- I'm useless.'
Are you recognising any of this?
The answer is to start giving yourself credit.
What three things have you achieved today that you should give yourself credit for?
Write them down and do this every day.
I'm Glynis, a career, relationship and wellbeing coach. These are my tips on what life throws at people like us and how coaching can help. You can read more about me here. Do get in touch if I can help you.