Take a Life Audit. An exercise to get you started on making those positive changes. Why wait until January to start evaluating what you want to change in your life? Perhaps you know already, but are having a problem with your motivation. If you want to make some changes, the most important part is to commit your goals to paper. Write them down. Start your audit I always suggest my clients start with an audit. You can draw up a checklist like the one above, or create a Wheel of Life. Simply draw a circle on a blank page. Now divide it into segments (like cutting a pie) - you'll need around 6 but it's not crucial to have 6. You can have 8 or more. Give each segment a label, for example:
Okay, now you have to evaluate how satisfied you are with each of those. What does 'satisfied' mean? By 'satisfied' I mean are you fulfilling your potential? Do you have more to give? Are you coasting? Have you tried to make changes and plateaued, so you are stuck and settling? Is it just 'okay' but not really what you dreamed of? Would you like more or less of whatever it is? Be honest. Score them out of 10. So, zero would be completely dissatisfied and 10 would be perfectly happy. What's a 'good score'? As a guide, I suggest that a score of 5 or less is an area you need to work on. But, it's your choice. Choose one or two of your lower scores. What for you would be a good improvement? Moving from 2 to 5, 5 to 7? 6 to 8? 8 to 10? Your timescales Coaching is nothing without a timescale. We can all dream... and dream on! But to live the dream you have to do stuff. Where would you be in a month if you took some action? Where could you be in 6 months? A year? What's stopping you? You know what needs to change, but why can't you do it?
Maybe you could add your own to this list if helpful? Taking action How about you choose one thing that would help you to make a positive change now? It could be a change in your mental attitude (positive instead of negative); seeking out people who can help you; reducing the number of biscuits you eat in a day....one tiny thing. Being accountable The beauty of being coached is that you become accountable to someone else. Me. You have said you want to make changes, you have a plan of sorts, so it's over to you now to follow through.
Keep a record. I always suggest you keep a diary or journal where you record all small achievements, every day. If it helps, treat yourself to a pretty notebook instead of the cheapest. Come on - these are YOUR achievements so buy that notebook! I don't recommend keeping a journal online because, without being too new age about it all, there is energy in your handwriting. Whether it's fast and furious or slow and methodic, those entries say as much about you as the words. What you write down It might be something small, like refusing the office cake if they are trying to lose weight, to speaking up in a meeting if they lack confidence, or saying 'No' to someone asking a favour when they are really pushed for time. It could be staying calm when faced with a stroppy teenager, or making dinner from scratch even when you are knackered. It could be some networking or other marketing on a business that one day will bear fruit. Or walking a bit further to up your exercise. We're talking small, not world changing. (Though that's okay too.) Try to write down 3 positive achievements every day. Ideally, a couple should be connected to your main goal. But if you've made fantastic chocolate brownies today as well as possibly updating your CV, applying for a job, going to an interview, or working on your negative thoughts, credit yourself for that too. At the end of each week, look back over your journal. You see; you've done one heck of a lot more than you imagined. You've got the idea? So, keep going. And if you need some help, get in touch.
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1/12/2017 0 Comments What are you worth?Yet another report concluded recently that women's pay lags behind men's: the Pay Gap.
Read more about it www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-41805053 What is the pay gap? Before your eyes glaze over at the thought of reading a dry report, stop! The Pay Gap is more about fulfilment and training. It's not so much about women being paid less for doing the same work, but women not achieving their potential within the workplace due (often) to family commitments coming first, or having fewer qualifications. This is one reason why we have fewer female MPs; working hours late into the night are rarely compatible with family life unless there is another parent or carer to share the load. Why women feel the need for change You may not be bothered about your earnings (or you may be.) But you may be one of the many women who come to me for career change who - having reached a certain age or stage in their lives- feel they want to do something different, either to earn more, or to have more time for themselves, or to fulfil a long-standing dream. When does this happen? It varies. I've coached hundreds of women, not solely on careers (but they make up about 50 per cent of my enquiries.) Usually women start thinking about change when:
These are the outcomes of coaching for some women I have worked with:
Where do you fit in? The pay gap is not just about money. It's about finding opportunities that reward your skills and develop your skills. If you are stuck in a dead-end role, you are bored, or feel it's not what you want any more, what's stopping you from making changes? Why are you not doing the work you love? Fear? Lack of confidence? Indecision? You're nodding. Yes, that's what I thought.
If you want to know how to get rid of these nagging doubts that hold you back, get in touch for a chat about my coaching packages. 21/11/2017 0 Comments Why I coach (mainly) women.You may wonder why I coach mainly women. (I do sometimes coach men too.) The reason is that I'm passionate about helping women be their best, yet aware that we are great at putting ourselves last.
Even though it's 2017, recent surveys showed that women still do the bulk of household chores. Recent research by the ONS showed that women put 26 hours in each week (cleaning, chores etc at home) compared to 16 hours for men. That is almost a whopping 4 hours a day, often on top of paid work outside the home. Read about it here. The crux of this is that women tend to have less time for themselves, but are more responsible for childcare or household chores like shopping, cleaning and cooking. If you are a women reading this, I expect you are nodding, or even cooking dinner with your other hand. That's fine if you are happy. But many clients come to me when they are in danger of burn-out or feel a sense of frustration with their lives. Women tend to fit work around children, despite more flexi-working. I coach a lot of women who fall into two groups: high flyers who want to reduce the days they work when they have children. And women who want to pick up their careers when their child goes to school or university. Some have put their careers on hold for twenty years and want to start again at fifty. But they aren't sure what or how. Others are trying to manage looking after elderly parents, teenagers and work. I'm not saying that men opt out completely, but it's never a 50:50 split. You might find you go away for a spa day or a bit of pampering to reduce stress. Well, I can't promise you a facial or a steam room. What I can offer you is an hour of your busy day where you can leave behind the responsibility of looking after others and focus on you. For an hour, in your session with me, you can talk about your hopes, dreams, whatever's bugging you and work on a plan to create some positive changes. It's your 'you' time. How does that sound? ![]() How would you feel about telling your friends you had a coach? Some of my clients have shouted it from the rooftops, others have felt slightly embarrassed and not even told their partners. Why embarrassed? Well, sometimes people put therapy and coaching into the same category. And some people don't want to admit to seeking help from a therapist because they feel it shows they have an issue and need to be fixed. There is no need to be ashamed of asking for any kind of help at all. But the stigma is there for some people. But coaching is not therapy. People who are at the top of their game, either as CEOs or performers of some sort, all have coaches. They aren't being 'fixed'; they are being coached to be their very best. One of my former clients, a CEO in the City, said everyone should have a coach. Here was a successful high flyer, who still needed to talk over their performance in a board meeting, or how to get the best out of their team, and how to manage their work-life balance. Coaching is not superficial. It's not a case of 'Right, what are your goals for the next two weeks' (and nothing else.) We do dig deep into patterns of behaviour that may affect your confidence, your relationships at work or home, even how your parents' attitudes to you have had a lasting effect. But unlike therapy, I will ask 'What are you going to do about it now? What will help you?' And you will set an achievable goal. You aren't showing a weakness by seeking out coaching. Being pro-active, acknowledging you value professional support to be your best, is not a weakness. If you are thinking of seeking a coach, don't be embarrassed. Having a counsellor is no longer a hushed secret - it shows a desire to make life better. So does having a coach. Does that make you feel a bit better? It's the small steps that make a difference
Today I was amazed. I was listening to Radio 4 Woman's Hour. (It's on the link for a while if you're quick.) The interviewee explained how she always wanted to carry on learning; if she could learn a new word each day, she was delighted. She described how on most days she would go to the supermarket as part of her exercise, even if she only wanted one item. Asked how she kept so fit, she admitted a love of chocolate. But the trick was not to have it by her side in the lounge, but in the fridge in the kitchen; she did at least have to walk to get it. Maybe you think this is not that remarkable until you, like me, learned she is 105. What small changes can you make? How can you grow, both spiritually and emotionally? What can you add to your day so that you fulfil your potential, whether that's learning something new, getting fitter, or having a better work-life balance? We might not all live to 105, but let's make the best of the years we have. Make your to-do list of small goals for this week. And if you need some support to reach them, get in touch. 19/10/2017 0 Comments Menopause -bio-identical and body-identical HRT. Important information from Women's Health Education.Yesterday was World Menopause Day. The media featured several interviews- TV and radio - with high-profile women on how they cope, including the type of HRT they use. There has been a lot of confusion over two types, with some features giving the impression that these types of HRT are only available to the rich or famous. There is also confusion over that 'bio identical' means. This article by the former Chair of the British Menopause Society explains the difference between bio-identical and body-identical HRT.
How coaching can help with the menopause
Thank goodness we can say 'menopause' now instead of coyly referring to 'The Change'. But it's still not an easy topic or an easy experience for many women. As hormones start to fall, rise, fall, almost hourly, symptoms - which 75 per cent of midlife women experience - appear. Hot flushes, insomnia, mood swings and- even for high-achieving confident women - a lack of confidence can come top of the list. You might not think that coaching can help menopause. Think again. Menopause usually brings emotional and physical symptoms, both of which can respond to lifestyle changes and ways of changing your thinking patterns (similar to CBT.) Psychological symptoms At a time when wisdom and experience ought to help us negotiate life's challenges, menopause can make us anxiety-ridden and lack confidence. Work can be more difficult especially if you're not sleeping well. As a coach working with women aged from 40s upwards, it's something that I hear about a lot. I help women rebuild confidence. It is something that we can all develop given the right strategies and physical menopausal symptoms do respond to lifestyle changes. Boosting self-esteem and confidence One exercise I ask clients to do is to write down three positive achievements each day (in a journal or notebook.) These don't have to be world-changing: they can be anything from making a great stir fry, getting through your email list, not screaming at your children, to being a shoulder to cry on for a friend. If you are a typical midlife woman you will be multi-tasking and forget how much you have got through in a day. Start giving yourself some credit. Get help and take control Being happier is usually linked directly with being in control of your life. If menopausal symptoms are making your life a misery, seek help. HRT has been re-evaluated and the medical consensus is that for women under 60, benefits outweigh risks, not only for short-term symptoms but for longer term health too. New research shows a reduction in plaque in the arteries (the cause of heart disease and stroke) if HRT is started within ten years of menopause. There is less bowel cancer, a possible lower risk of dementia and bone protection. If you are still wary, there are many complementary ways you can help yourself, but read the evidence and research (in my feature) before spending a fortune. Lifestyle changes you can make Don't be passive. By making some lifestyle changes, you may feel much better. It may take a few weeks, but ditching the caffeine and sugar should make you feel better within days.
'Is that all?' you're asking. If you need someone to be your cheerleader, that's what a coach can be. When you feel tired, fed up and lacking in oomph, set yourself some targets will help you find your mojo. Don't set yourself impossible targets. Choose something you know you can achieve to begin with. That might be having a glass of wine every other night, not daily. or giving up the muffin with your coffee, fitting in a brisk 30 minute walk, eating one more piece of fruit and another vegetable daily, swapping white rice for brown, white pasta for wholegrain. What 3 small changes can you start today? Make your list! 3/9/2017 0 Comments The new year starts hereNo, it's not January. But there is always, for me, something of a new start feel about autumn. It's a time to take stock- literally- for farmers across the country. We reap the fruits of our labours. And it's a time when we start planning for the next season, or chapter, of our lives. Maybe it's something to do with the educational year always starting in September. From the minute we start school through to university or work, September is the month when it all happens. I see the months of September and October as being the turning point in the year. I'm not alone because it's when I become busy with new clients. There can be so many reasons for this:
What have you been thinking of changing? Try this exercise. On a scale of 1 to 10, rate your happiness for each of these: work, relationships, fitness, finances, friendships, leisure or hobbies. If anything is under 5, what would you like to change? And next, write down how you can get there to increase your rating. Aim for 7 and above. What one change can you begin today? Go on- try it! Just one thing you can succeed at. And if you want someone to motivate you and give you a hand, use my Contact page. Can it really be three years since you loaded up the car and dropped them off at university? Yes, looks like it is.
And now they are back. With more stuff. And they have now had three years of doing pretty much what they wanted, or as much as their housemates would tolerate. Which is quite a lot. There are millions of young people under the age of 35 living at home again mainly due to rising rents and the cost of buying a house. For many it's a temporary stop-over while they save for a rental deposit but some are there for the long haul of a few years. For parents, it can be very difficult because although you love your children to bits, you aren't so sure about sharing your home with them now they have had three years of independence. Meanwhile you've enjoyed a tidy kitchen, no key in the door at 2am, no loud animated phone calls in the small hours, and a reprieve from taxiing. So what is the answer to some harmonious living? It's incredibly easy to fall back into the 'I'm your Mum so you'll do what I say, it's my house...' behaviour and adult children can revert into stroppy teens faster than you can say 'Where is that pizza I've just bought for dinner tonight?' Ground rules. That's what's needed. It may seem a bit odd treating your child - I mean 'adult child' - like a paying lodger (Paying? Hmmm...that sounds good) - but for the sake of keeping the peace, you need rules. So get them round the kitchen table for The Chat. Money - you might not need it, but maybe they need to accept that something to show their gratitude is a good idea. You may not want to charge the going rate, but maybe something to cover food. If you don't like the idea, how about jobs in lieu? A bit of housework never did anyone any harm, and the same goes for grass cutting or putting the rubbish out. You could (shhhh..it's a secret) save their money for a deposit and hand it back as a nice surprise. Meals - if it suits you to be open all hours, fine. If you are tired of cooking meals that can be kept warm, then some agreement over when you will eat is best. Or, they can cook for themselves. You need to decide which is the lesser of the two evils. And if they do cook for themselves, who buys the food? Do you even know what they eat now? Laundry - believe it or not, young people can be very possessive over their laundry. Touch it at your peril. So agree if it's going in the family wash or if they will manage it themselves. And decide if you are happy for the tumble dryer to whirr away all night long. Friends- by that I mean romantic friends. This is tricky. You've got used to some privacy. So have they. Do you want to be faced with another adult child at breakfast? Or remember that you can't hover naked on the landing any more. What if it's someone different every week? How do you feel about grown-up sleepovers? Long term partners are okay? Or not. It's your call. But discuss. Don't wait for an introduction at breakfast, unless you're happy with that. Yes, it's a hard landscape to navigate. Fancy some help over it all? I've been there and got the T-shirt. You can read about it here in the Telegraph or talk to me if you need help. www.glyniskozmacoaching.com/coaching 31/8/2017 0 Comments The Empty Nest...![]() . Your last child has gone. After all the hard work of the past eighteen years, you've waved goodbye to them either as they start university or a new job. They're moving out, moving on and you...well, you're snivelling into a tissue. Their smell still lingers in their bedrooms. Suddenly, you'd give anything for that half-eaten pizza under the bed or the piles of clothes under which there may be a carpet. Parenting teenagers is so full-on most of the time: the constant meals, the laundry, the taxiing everywhere, the exams, the career or education choices. You certainly know you have them. Then one day, wham! They're gone. The house falls silent, no music blaring, no doors slamming, no wet towels in the bathroom, no going out at night just when you, or any sensible person, is going to bed. You loved and hated it in equal measure. But now it's over. Okay they might rock up during the holidays, or for the occasional weekend, but your role as a full-time, hands-on Mum is over. How does that feel? Most women find it hard. No matter how involved you have been in your own job, finding yourself an empty nester leaves a gap. If you're single, that gap can feel like a gaping chasm. So, what can you do? First, accept this is normal. It's okay to be sad. It will take time to re-adjust. Cry, feel miserable, reflect. It's okay. But once you've done this, you need to get going with your life again. What do you want for yourself now? This is a perfect time to find some clarity. Maybe you feel like:
If all of those seem too big and scary to cope with just now, be kind to yourself. If you want to start your journey of self-discovery or get your mojo back, contact me here. How about these? Organise at least one thing each week that's for you and that you will look forward to.
What not to do
And lastly, you've done a great job! Parenting is the hardest thing in the world. Give yourself a huge pat on the back for getting this far. Like some help with your new direction? www.glyniskozmacoaching.com |
AuthorI'm Glynis, a career, relationship and wellbeing coach. These are my tips on what life throws at people like us and how coaching can help. You can read more about me here. Do get in touch if I can help you. Archives
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